So the last time was another failure

Yea, I get the feeling at times I am not meant to be with anyone. I try to be me, but it either is too brash, crude, disrespectful or (insert something here).

I start a conversation with someone, trying to break the ice. I would ask a simple but fun question, then there would be a short response. If the conversation would wane, I would ask another simple but fun question. This would repeat but the responses would be short and go no further. It would be then that I would stop asking questions to see if there would be any input from them. If not, then I know that they are not interested or want to put any effort in.

This is all frustrating.

Then I was contacted by an old girlfriend/friend. Turned out that we were a 94% match on a dating website. We had dated a few weeks around 18 years ago. I was in my middle 20's and she was in her late teens to early 20's. Life was totally different then. I was a different person. Bolder, brasher, wanting to be the life and core of the party. She was and still is beautiful. I made the mistake of coming on too strong. A trait I think I still have but I NEED and must get rid of it. We broke up because of my coming on too strong and she then struck up a relationship with a close friend. I did not begrudge it and gave him the knowledge of where I went wrong so he could avoid making the mistakes I made. It lasted a few years between the two. Then it came to an end. Each having their own story as to why it ended. She moved on from any contact with any of us to live her life.

We are older now and have our own scars from our life experiences. We both have mental health afflictions. I have depression and she has, another. I don't want to say for it is not for me to say. I would like that something was to happen between us again. She has a brilliant personality and makes me laugh like I used to. Giving her space I guess would be key. She is living on the mainland England at the moment and will be returning home in the next few weeks. We have already made plans to take a drive along the coast road and visit a place we did once before. Take in the view while holding each other in silence. Then to have a meal later in the evening. A date that we had so many years ago that was in her words, perfect.

I will cross my fingers and hope I don't repeat previous actions. Time can only tell if she is 'the one'.

I walk to the side while watching you work, Prepared to catch you, should you stumble or fall, I will gather your pieces and tend to your wounds, Wipe away any tears and set you straight on your path, I will help you on your way then return to my place, I will be here waiting, waiting to be called your Prince.

It has been a while.

So yea. I have not fallen off the world, I am still here. Things have had their ups and downs. I even think a few old friends have now decided I am no longer worth their time, but I think there may have been some influence there from somewhere.

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Today was my day to die.

Things of late have really not been going my way. My life has been falling apart for a while now. Since the 1st quarter of last year. The fiancee said things were over simply, from what I can only gather, because I have depression so doing things myself is incredibly hard and that she would have to do more of the work. Then other events compounded things over the next few months with job losses and new starts. In December I had the house valued and I had made an offer for her to buy me out for a small sum. She refused and said I deserved nothing and would be taking it to the solicitors to take all of it.

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