Is this the end of the current road?

I have tried loving myself so much. I have looked at myself in various different ways. It all comes down to my own self-deprecating form. I am just simply not good at anything of any worth. I have no value to anyone or to anything.

Since last December, I have worked for a company that deals with products that the founder has declared as. 'fluffy' and is not 'saving cancer victims'. Yet the orders that were coming in were of the highest importance and HAD to go out asap. The warehouse I was supervisor over, please note the past tense, was extremely understaffed. The orders that NEEDED to go out were pushed to the forefront and sent out, but the smaller orders were left behind. Yet when the time came round at the end of the month, they HAD to be cleared to make sales people make target.

Let me try and explain the situation in laymen's terms. You have a tap (orders that can be sent out in a day). It produces 50 gallons per day, every day, at full flow. You have a barrel. The barrel can contain 200 gallons. You are expected to fill that barrel every day and have it perfect. Even when the flow is at the maximum, the barrel is unable to be full. The person who is in control of filling the barrel is told that they are expected to 'plan' and/or 'manage' a way to make sure the barrel is filled and perfect for each day. They tell the controller that it is impossible and that they need a bigger faucet to complete the task at hand. The controller would ignore what the controller is asking and tells them that they need to work 'smarter' rather than work 'harder' to make sure that the barrel is full for the daily dispatch. The working smarter approach will NEVER work in the situation that has been presented as there is not enough of a flow to create the expectancy needed to gain the outcome expected. Yet this falls down to the controller and if they are ignored it will be their fault.

In other words, no matter what I had said to the ones above, no matter how much I had explained to them they are never gonna get what they expected without putting more investment in the area they needed, I was the one at fault. I failed. I could not do what was expected of me even though it was an impossible task.

This is a reoccurring story. I fail at everything I do.

So now, I will lose any claim I have on a home. I will have to sell (if I can) everything I own. I will have NO income. I will have nothing.

What is left? Why must I keep going to fail at everything I attempt? I can't keep fighting, I am too tired. I really do not want to be here anymore. Thre is nothing here for me to stay. I will always be that failure. That one who could never step up and be the one that's needed. I would be a no-one. Not needed, excess, surplus to requirements. Even the ones that I hoped would encourage me to stay I feel I have let down.

Give me 1 single reason to stay. One simple reason to fight. I simply can't find one. None. Nothing. Nobody.

I will see this weekend out and look at everything once more and then decide as to what I will do. I have a fairly good idea though.

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